following our creative compasses

thoughts on surviving the unbearable bits, and the importance of taste and intention

I’m at that unbearable bit of the creative process: the finish line.

More specifically, I’m finalizing the next batch of goog songs. This stage, by far, is my least favorite part of the entiiiiiiire thing. Turning digital knobs and tweaking dials a tenth of a centimeter, all the while not completely sure I’m even doing anything to make a difference. In most cases, if I’m lucky, putting one foot in front of another is easy. But in some instances, it’s uncomfortable — I’m out of my depths, panicking, well aware I bit off more than my skillset can chew, unable to “unmuddy” a section sonically. My creative compass gets wiggy and a lot of unbearable directional guesswork begins.

Especially since starting my self-taught production journey, I’ve had to be very patient with myself as my tech know-how painstakingly catches up to the rest of my knowledge. There’s a specific pain point creatives reach repeatedly, where the gap between what you WANT it to sound like and what you’re CAPABLE of producing becomes a very clear (and very wide) chasm. I wish I could lie and say in earnest I love learning how to close this gap, but I almost always find it terrifying. Mostly because the only way to figure it out is to jump, land somewhere deep in the chasm, and, with compass in hand, learn how to climb back up the other side. That process, while inconvenient, does lead to some unconventional solutions that aid in giving me a unique sound. Because even if it’s not to the textbook standard, it’s mine; it’s my creativity getting to exist in a holistic, unblemished way.

I know that this is exactly why most people don’t do the process 100% self enclosed. Most people are smart, and hand off their stems to someone much more talented to give it a good ol’ mix and master. Or better yet, involve people in the process of making. But in an effort to rebuild my trust in my creative compass, I’ve handled googly eyes 100% myself. (Or, please listen to CONTROL FREAK by GOOGLY EYES, for an alternate explanation) Writing, recording, production, mix, master, release = all me. I know, I know - it’s insane. But it’s been really good for me, even the unbearable bits. My compass has gotten better and better at picking up my signal — I can really trust it.

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What IS a creative compass?

Creative compass is a term I either came up with or plucked somewhere off the internet. If I had to, I’d pinpoint my first use of it in lyrics for “Systematically Collecting Data” when I sing “I sat still while they put magnets to my compass.” At the time, I was looking back at my first few years in Los Angeles and coming to the painful realization that I’d lost sight of my own desires and forgot why I started making music in the first place. My compass signal was weak, and therefore easily redirected by other people’s.

And truthfully, at the end of the day, we’re all following something, right? When we step into a creative space: what’s guiding us? What’s moving our needle forward? Is it our own taste, the idea of success, someone else’s directive? For the record, I don’t consider any of those answers bad. But I believe it’s good to know what YOUR answer is — and to choose it intentionally.

Because I think art, being as subjective as it is, is best when done with intention. People can’t argue with taste. They can disagree, sure. But if I can confidently back up each decision I’m making sonically with “I want this,” then I have an irrefutable foundation to build on. We of course want to be open, flexible, and willing to listen: but I find it far more important to know when NOT to listen. People have so many opinions. You will never need to look far if you need to borrow one. So I believe having your own is critical.

Getting to handle the world of googly on my own has been a great test for me in moving with intention. Where is my compass leading me sonically? Visually? In what places am I willing to compromise? What becomes priority? I wanna be SO IN TUNE WITH MY TASTE IT’S UNSHAKEABLE, BABY. So that hopefully, by the time I do get to share the reins with people I trust and borrow from their taste, I'll know if I'm embracing someone's idea because I genuinely like it more than mine, or if I'm giving in because I can’t find my own direction.

All that said... here’s to hoping the unbearable bits for all of us are challenging, beautiful, and grounding. And here’s to hoping they remind us that we can build trust in our own creative compasses by trying, by learning, and by doing. I’m eager to finish this incredible (yet hellish) part and share what I’ve been working on with you! Til then

much love,
goog

(compass mention count: 10 times, 11 including the one from this line)