new goog demos (aka spring-cleaning for the soul)

goog's diary entry #2854

gooooood morning :)
my new batch of demos is out!! I hope you take a listen today and enjoy 🌟🌱
let me know what you think. my press quote for this was:

“Putting out another batch of demos feels like coming home. This is how this project started - making things fast, imperfect, and alive. There’s something about sharing songs in real time in these clusters that helps me keep up with my story. In a unique way, it’s like my own version of spring cleaning and soul upkeep - which is really the heart of my artistry.”

which, in my opinion, was a pretty banging quote

THIS WEEK

I’ve been in the studio with Tove and Flume wrapping up some very special things!! It’s kinda funny, the way this batch of demos coincides with these studio sessions. The dichotomy of “where I’ve been” and “where I’m going” has been on full display.

It’s an unbelievable thing, just getting to sit there and listen to their stories. In a lot of ways, we’re the same: people with that bend towards artistry, creating, performing, etc. In a lot MORE ways, we are so different. They’re a wealth of wisdom, expertise, experience, and self-belief. They’re just so lovely to be around. And they like me! And they think the music I make is cool! and Flume liked my vocal prod things! and Tove signed me!

and I deserve all of it and none of it at the same time!

DEVELOP ME, BABY

honestly, I love nothing more than having a trusted, talented, intelligent group of people around me, all of whom I believe are genuinely invested in this. It’s beautiful, brand new, and also intimidating. One minute I’m SO confident in the world I’m creating. The next, it’s under a spotlight and we (as a team) are analyzing, curating, offering opinions… I can turn into a withering idiot, hahaha. A lot of the traits I thought I had (confident, well-spoken, directed) mysteriously poof into thin air sometimes when I reach for them. I wasn’t expecting that.

Be confident. Be likeable. Be flexible, be the spokesperson, be more soft, more firm, more humble, more direct. Be perfect!!!! My brain never shuts up. (this is kinda what The Territory is about, actually.) After doing it on my own for so long, I’m rewiring my way of operating, like I’m rebuilding the steering wheel of my ship mid-transit. Maybe that’s just the process of developing an artist, though..? This exact thing. Can you slow down? Do you want to? Where do you draw the line? When are you strong willed? When are you malleable? Can you handle discomfort? Can you translate the unspoken vision in your head? What’s important to you? How do you find balance? How do you reconnect with that small, still inner voice? Do you trust yourself?

NEW UPGRADE UNLOCKED

It really is like learning a new language. Because I’m so prolific, there’s always been a sort of flurried timeliness to googly. And because I did it solo, I evaded all those questions. I’ve been so used to everything-everywhere-all-at-once: the songs, the visuals, all the various aspects of a project informing the other, on top each other, in record pace, because the only person who needed to know or do or think anything was me. But now, as more and more people I trust enter the picture, the process adapts. I have to let myself change. I have to let it evolve. Sometimes expanding/growing into something bigger is equal parts “this is the coolest thing to ever happen” and “i have no idea what i’m doing right now.”

I have to be gentle with myself and remember, just because I’ve dreamt of this scenario for ages doesn’t mean there won’t be a learning curve as I grow into it. And it doesn’t mean I won’t carry in some weird emotional baggage, like the years I spent quietly internalizing that my project was dumb or unserious or less important than writing songs for other people.

Truth is, I’m gonna fall on my face a few times, and I will figure it out. (I also don’t know what I was expecting from myself. Probably just to be absolutely perfect right off the bat and also all-knowing and glide seamlessly from control-freak-creative hermit to flexible-relaxed-extroverted-team-player-captain-lovable girl. Was that too much to ask!!!!!!!)

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I’m sure I’ll look back on this in a few months/years and think “what a sweet dumb tiny naive lucky baby!” For now, I’m working hard to be open and let this all change me in a deep, meaningful way. One of the fun parts about being human is getting to “upgrade” your psyche and evolve beyond your current patterns. I’m hoping, with enough support and effort, I’m customizable, baby.

until I can share more secrets, I hope Demos 26-30 tides you over. Hot off the presses of my life!!!!!!!!! thanks as always for reading along with me. 🫶🌟

xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoox

- googs